I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
