I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
