I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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