please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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