okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
