his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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