3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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