she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
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