turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
