and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
