you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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