If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
