Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
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Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
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Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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