The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
