hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
