Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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