She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize