I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
