What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
