i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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