She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
i think i just lost a toe
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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