I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
