I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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