If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
