He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
