3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
