im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
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