there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
