i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize