..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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