I can tuck mytits in my pants
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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