Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
