a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Randomize
