Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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