like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
