You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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