I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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