somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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