$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
