based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
