Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
