you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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