You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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