Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
