So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
