Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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