Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
