Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
