I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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