im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
