They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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