I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
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