how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
