shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
