its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
