is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
We are all done wearing pants today
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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