why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Randomize
