I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
