the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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