Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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