I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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