I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
