Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
