Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I came so hard my ears popped.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
