Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
