Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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