Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
