I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
