If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
