I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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