dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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