call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
