I could make wine with my vomit
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
