I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
