She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
home. puking in laundry basket.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
