He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
