i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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