If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
this hospital has no fireball
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
