The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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