So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
