Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
