If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
