we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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