This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
This is classic penis vs brain.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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